Double Down Helix written by Carolyn Bennett is part of the Alumnae Theatre’s New Ideas Festival. It runs May 1- 5, 2024.
Bright Lit Big City Sunday, April 21, 7pm Hirut Cafe
It’s that time of year again! At least it’s not that time of month anymore …
Modern Condolences
For anyone who’s survived being shot in the heart.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-should-i-send-an-emoji-condolence-when-words-fail-me/
A Very Special Christmas/Holiday Greeting from CBennettworld
As you may know, the Christmas/Holiday Greeting from CBennettworld 2023 is later than usual. We apologize for any sentimental hardship this may have caused. Our communications and media division went on a wildcat strike two weeks before the holiday break. This is an anomaly because our imaginary workers are not unionized, nor do they have accounts on Slack or other cloud-based team communication platforms. Each individual decided independently to cease work until they receive a new contract guaranteeing a living wage, which in Toronto is just shy of out of the question. And they liked the idea of being on a wildcat strike.
Until negotiations and endless recapitulation have begun, please accept this sincere message compliments of our chatbot Joaquim:
Happy holidays to you, and best wishes for the New Year.
Best New Year, and happy wishes for a holiday.
Best wishes to you, happy holiday and Happy New Year.
Happy New Year and happy holidays. Best wishes.
Wishing you Best holidays and a Happy New Year.
New Year, happy, and Happy you. Best holidays.
Holidays. Best. New Year. Happy. Wishes Best to you.
New Best Year, and to you happy holiday wishes.
You. Happy wishes to holiday New Best year.
DISCLAIMER: This holiday greeting was in no way generated by Bing, ChatGPT, Open AI, Google AI search, or any other natural language processing, with the exception of using Bing, ChatGPT, OpenAI, and Google AI search. The sentiments contained in the holiday message reflect the mission and goals of CBennettworld, a division of CBennettworld, derived from plant-based lab grown values.
ILLUSORY CEO ADDENDUM:
From the intergalactic corporation known as CBennettworld and its many departments, including operations, quality control, legal, procurement and sanitation, and from my heart and its atrial fibrillation, to the life pump in your chest, may the remainder of your Yuletide be filled with food you can digest, company you can tolerate, and peace you can spread.
More Workshops: November 2023
Are you a senior? Do you aspire to become a senior? Do you feel like a senior most days, but your driver’s license says you were born in 2002? Is your driver’s license fake? Is this now stream of consciousness drivel?
If you answered yes to any of the above, then you may wish to register for Finding The Funny: How to Mine Your Life for Laughs, 90 minutes of comedy jamming and meeting new friends on Zoom. As the workshop leader, I’ll be mumbling and fumbling my way through exercises. As a comic, I’ll be looking to pilfer bits and jokes.
This workshop is offered through Accenti: The Magazine with the Italian Accent.
Stay tuned for more offerings.
Laugh, gawddamnit!
Bright Lit Big City returns Saturday, September 30, 4pm
Make sure that you attend Bright Lit Big City on Saturday September 30, 4pm at Hirut Cafe 2050 Danforth Ave Toronto. There will be injera. And authors reading their work. Probably in that order.
Surviving and Thriving in Bville
There was a fire in Brockville this week —-a fire of talent!
As the great Gloria Gaynor crooned, I Will Survive.
Please enjoy my latest essay. Shout out to urbanites in small town Ontario.
Big City Love Song (sung to the Cheers theme)
A little anthem for all my ex-pat Toronto friends living further afield:
Making your way in a small town today
Takes the least amount you've got
Getting the f&*k out of there for awhile
Sure would help a lot
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where no one knows your name
And no one’s glad you came
You want to be where you can ignore
Your paltry troubles that are so lame
You want to be where nobody knows your name
Climbing the walls when folks calls
You've lost your solitude again
And the more you're out and about
The more you want to hide from friends
When you long to hear no hello
Roll out of bed, hope no one cares
The morning's looking bright
And you long for anonymity
But damn – you volunteered to write
And your husband wants to go to Home Depot
Be glad there's a place in the world
Where no one knows your name
And they don’t care you came
You want to go where people know
People are immune to fame
You want to go where no one knows your name
Where no one knows your name
And they don’t care you came
Where no one knows your name
And they don’t care you came
etc..
The Return of the Funny
Come and see me stumble and mumble in Munster on Saturday, March 18. There may be cheese.
10 Fun Things You Can Do To Enjoy Life Sober
It’s not so bad. I promise. Click here.